This whole wedding thing is messing with my planning instinct.
Although maybe it’s not my planning instinct that’s getting confused. Maybe it’s more the part of my brain that I’ve been employing for years to keep my planning instinct in check.
Because I bloody love a plan. I like my plans great, and big, and ridiculous, and in such incredible amounts of detail and with so many stupid permutations that it’s quite apparent to everyone who isn’t me (and a little bit to me as well) that I’ve got completely carried away. So carried away, in fact, that I’ve forgotten to put any structure to the plan and so am just excitedly talking about different bits of without giving any idea how they relate to each other. But I don’t care. Because it’s my brilliant new plan!
And this is why I’ve had to try and suppress the planning instinct, because if I actually went through with everything I’ve planned then by now I would’ve done 16 MAs, seven PhD and a lot of tap dancing classes. And I’d have moved to a lot of places. And gone on a lot of trips. And had a different haircut every week, and adopted a few hundred animals, and painted every wall I ever came across and entirely bankrupted myself and probably ruined my entire life.
So I try and ignore the planning brain a bit. I try not to write things down. I try not to look at the tiny details. When there is a thing to be planned (like a city break, or a new kitchen, or a stupid evil bastard novel of hell) then I try to be measured and not get carried away with doing everything RIGHT THIS MOMENT. Instead I sit there and plan when I can plan the next level of detail. Because everyone loves a metaplan.
So far it’s kept me away from bankruptcy, and that’s a really, really good thing.
But the wedding…oh, the wedding is messing with the balance. My lovely mental dance of plan/don’t plan is getting all bewildered and confused. Yes, I have lots and lots of time to sort things and so there shouldn’t be any real urgency. But apparently things get booked in advance, and the more I do now the less stressed I am later.
If I don’t contact photographers a thousand years in advance they might not be free. And if I don’t allow six-to-nine months for my dress then the world will end. If I don’t then book my alteration appointments ages in advance then I might forget or they might get booked up and then I will have to wear a dress that does NOT ENTIRELY FIT AND THAT IS A TERRIBLE THING (apparently).
And so, after suppressing the initial instinct to PLAN THE WHOLE THING RIGHT NOW WITHIN TEN MINUTES, I’ve had to try and suppress the suppression. I contact people and say “I know this is miles in advance…” and they say “oh no, not really, this is about right”. And I sit there and I feel a bit bewildered, because how can booking an appointment for February 2014 when it is June 2013 be “about right”? How is that not crazy enthusiastic?
I’ve narrowed it down to one of two things; either everyone is just humouring me and my actually mad planning because you don’t piss off the bride, or wedding land is the one place where everyone is as ridiculously enthusiastic about plans as me.
I’m not entirely sure which option worries me more.