I quite obviously have not blogged for a while.
I never intended it to be this lengthy a hiatus. It started simply because I decided that since everything was supposedly “in place” in my life (had boy, had house, had job, hadn’t had an embarrassingly public panic attack and sobbed on a stranger or spent a whole day sat on the kitchen floor for a while) I should try coming off my antidepressants. Which was theoretically a fantastic idea, but one that in reality turned out to be a bit of a bastard.
In terms of “really fun life experiences”, I’d have to rank the venlafaxine withdrawal somewhere between breaking my foot in three places and getting glandular fever. Except with more vomiting. And, in a detail that’s a bit more relevant to my blogging story, the really fun side effect of making my brain turn into total and utter mush for weeks at a time.
So I couldn’t really think of anything to write about.
And then, as is always the way, work went a little bit mental. Before going quite a lot mental. After which it went totally and utterly mental, meaning I didn’t really have very much time to do anything except work a lot and then sit there in the evening trying to force my slightly venlafaxine-addled brain to at least grasp basic concepts like “getting food” and “putting a wash on”.
So I didn’t really have any time to write about the things I couldn’t think up anyway.
And then, because the universe really is a bit of a bastard, my house got broken into and my laptop got stolen, and because it was the classic white MacBook which they don’t make any more I got into an argument with the insurance company about how they’d go about replacing it and the whole thing took a really long time.
So I didn’t have anything with which to write the things that I didn’t have the time or inspiration to write. And yes, I know I could’ve used the WordPress app on my phone, but I have clumsy thumbs and that just didn’t really appeal.
So instead, I just a little bit gave up, and felt a bit sorry for myself.
But, as many people have pointed out to me, and as I indeed have pointed out to myself on more than one occasion, I didn’t do a great big collapse. I got through the burglary and the mad work and the venlafaxine fuckery, and I even found the time to arrange to get snazzy new windows, and to repaint the bathroom, and to go out and see people and do things and generally continue to be a Functional Human.
I didn’t spend an entire afternoon watching the washing machine because I’d put the wash on and then couldn’t be bothered to move. I didn’t freak all my friends out by turning up to social gatherings with unbrushed hair and dead eyes and a general sense of complete apathy. I did a bit lose the ability to sleep because my brain chemistry was doing some funny things and I was slightly concerned that the nails we’d put in the dining room window might not be all that effective at keeping evil bastard murdering burglars out, but I got over it.
And now I do have a laptop again, and I am almost entirely off the pills, and work will probably always be a bit insane but I love my job so that’s OK. And I feel like it’s time to return to writing about inconsequential things on the internet, just because I can.
So I shall.